When I first started going to Barre3 classes, a specific song was often played during class. It was a remake of the 1967 classic, “For What It's Worth” by Buffalo Springfield. The line “There’s something happening here” is repeated several times. The song gave me chills every time. It is so beautiful, and it was played at a pivotal point in class - when change was happening.
Throughout my Intuitive Eating (IE) journey, I’ve known each day that things were happening. I wasn’t always clear what, or how to describe it to others, but I knew it was necessary and significant change.
I recently reviewed a diet history worksheet that I completed in the IE workbook. You fill out all of the diets you’ve been on. You reflect on why you started each diet, how long you were on it, did you lose weight, if so, did you gain it back, etc. I thought that my main takeaway would be recognizing that intentional weight loss, results in regaining the weight (and sometimes more) for 95% of us. However, it was a different column that stood out to me the most.
My answer for why I started every one of the MANY diets I tortured myself on for twenty years, was “shame and comparison.”
Last weekend I took a risk. I drove 45 minutes (over a scary bridge that TERRIFIES me), to join a group of strangers for a writing workshop, and a short hike. This is FAR beyond my comfort zone. I did it because I enjoy writing and learning. I also did it because I love the group’s mission of welcoming ALL people, but asking that participants refrain from body shaming, and diet/weight loss talk. Every time I started to talk myself out of going, I came back to the feeling that I was supposed to be there.
It was during the writing workshop that it became clear to me that during the first ten months of my IE journey, I was focused on learning and practicing. While learning and practicing are ongoing, I am now more focused on healing.
It can take the mind and body a long time to heal from diets and diet culture. I have realized that it’s not only important that I have learned to trust my body, but that my body is still learning to trust me. Ten months of IE vs. twenty years of chronic dieting. I suspect that my body is likely waiting for me to ignore it, and deprive it on another diet. Not going to happen!
Because I took a risk, drove over that scary bridge, and allowed myself to be vulnerable with complete strangers…I came away with two gifts:
1) The realization that currently, the “something happening here”, is the letting go of shame and comparison (to the extent humanly possible).
2) My intention for the summer: To heal my former self with compassion, community, and nature, while exploring a new vision/version of me.
Tiffany was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest. She lives with her husband, kids, and chocolate lab. Her favorite vacations so far (beyond camping in the family motorhome), have been to Kauai, Key West, New York City, and Sayulita. She looks forward to expanding that list!
A heartfelt thanks to Julie G Photography.